do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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