I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
