He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
