I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
