Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
