You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
