my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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