..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
