"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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