im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
