All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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