Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
