hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
