Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
