I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
