i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
