Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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