I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
