Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
