Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
