He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
