It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
