I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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