I showed him my bush... on skype.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
