i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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