There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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