u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
