i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
