When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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