I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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