White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
