i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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