just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
