my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
