my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're breaking my sexual little heart
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
