my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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