Plan B is the new Plan A
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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