He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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