it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
