Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
