I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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