I wannas sexs uuuuu
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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