I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
