I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
