Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
