cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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