i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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