That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
