Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
