Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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