I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
