Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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