he wants to bone in the snuggie
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
