I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
