when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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