1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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