drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
