life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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